A Big Fucking Faggot.

That’s what I feel like.

I love my best friend.

Best Friends Forever.

I suppose I should skillfully insert the culturally accepted and obligatory “No homo” for those inquiring minds out there. Sorry for the course language. Also, I should say I am not gay…. although perfectly acceptable and I am completely supportive of gay rights, it isn’t my cup of tea. I do however have an undying love for another man… a best friend.But, its the type of love where I would kill someone over my best friend, I don’t mess around… It is this love for my best friend that inspired me share our story…

I have a lot of “best” friends. Actually, call them good friends. But, I have one best friend. The kind of best friend that knows you’re second cousin’s by their first name. That kind of best friend. When I moved into my parents house at 5, first kid i met was Lee Brunt. We shoke hands as any proper gentlemen would, “Im Lee Brunt how old are you?”. “Five.” “Me Too, were gonna be good friends.” Flash forward: we are trying to find a baby sitter for Lee so he can grab cigarettes at the gas station. GROWING UP.

When I met Lee I thought he was a bitch.

He certainly held that title throughout his formative years i mean he had bleach blond hair, asthma and smelled like shit. Lets just say contact sports were not his forte. But what Lee lacked in stature and intimidation he made up for in attitude and spirit. I remember being in my own house laying on my bed on warm summer days and hearing the piercing screech of LEE’s name being pulsated through the walls. We didn’t cause mischief. We were hell bent on living in a chaotic fantasy land that was our childhood. It started with catching frogs.

Sounds weak…

Buckets of frogs?

Still weak…

Stealing frogs from neighbors fire escapes?

While it is trespassing and possibly breaking and entering all at the tender age of 6, it is still pussy innocent weak shit…

Playing baseball and football with live amphibians as an in-play object?

Bats, Guts, Woah. Makes sense why I like Michael Vick…

I may be getting off track but sick sadistic little memories like that I share with MY best friend. Lee and I were inseparable. He was the oldest of three boys and as an only child I clung to Lee and his brothers like a pseudo-sibling. Naturally we formed a wolfpack. As we set foot into the neighborhood on killing sprees of aquatic life we eventually encountered ‘the older kids’. Upon meeting the prepubescent older kids we adopted their maturity like Brad and Angelina do African babies. The  brevity of our younger years was full of destructive entertainment. Shooting illegal fireworks, duct taping a brother to the tree, smashing those other brother in the head a baseball bat, spray painting graffiti all over the basement of a $400,000 house, burning explicit-phrase grass fires with what cans of ‘flammable’ from the garage, and last but certainly not least of our fun… getting a 10 year old to drink. Flash Forward: that 10 year old is now 21. GROWING UP.

As good of friends as Lee and I were, we always had a rivalry. From a young age we challenged each other competitively. Betting, bragging, boasting, lying, cheating, stealing, fighting, disrespect. When we entered 6th grade something changed with Lee. He started smoking. Cigarettes became drinking. At 13 I drank with him. My first experiment. Just one beer. Awful… Why are you like this Lee? Now you smoke weed Lee? I wouldn’t. It’s stupid. At 15 I drank again. This time it was Everclear. I’m not drinking. Lee you keep drinking, and smoking. And smoking. Oh I like smoking. At 15 I smoked again. I understand Lee… but you’re not in school… you’re in jail. Flash forward: I’m on probation… Lee is free and easy. GROWING UP.

Where is Lee? Up north.

Is he fishing? He’s in jail.

Good to see you again Lee, you look different. Good. But different. While you were gone I smoked again. And again. And again. And… Yeah I’ll smoke that. You’re going to Minneapolis for a 30 day trip Lee? Oh you said acid, and 30 days. Times? Days? Consecutive… Days. Oh you like drink Jack Daniels Lee? 30 Bottles. A depressing want ad: Empty nights, 30 of them, 30 empty nights. Consecutive. But it was a business decision? Well, you are a good businessman Lee. We’re 17 and you live like a college student… with out the classes. I wanted to ask you… can we smoke? That’s a lot of weed Lee. It was a business decision. That’s a lot of money Lee. It was a business decision. Flash forward: that’s a lot of weed Lee, that’s a lot of money Lee. I see few things change. GROWING UP.

Hello. You are cute. Nice to meet you, I’m Spencer. Oh you have a boyfriend. Wait… did you say Lee? Lee Brunt? What the fuck? You are dating Lee Brunt?! Lee… you didn’t tell me you were dating this girl. She’s cute. You’re Lucky. Lee? Lee?

Where’s Lee? Idk.

Where’s Lee’s family? Hawaii.

It was a business decision.

You found Lee? Lee’s in Jail…

Again?

So let me get this straight. Lee hit a house, with a car, drunk, and had a a quarter pound of weed on him? Where is his family? Hawaii. It was a business decision. But that was a lot money… enough to go to Hawaii. Damn. Stop fucking up Lee. I hate to see you fuck up but its so common I don’t know what to say anymore.  I’m sorry I’m leaving Lee, I wont be back for four years. You’re staying here? Make sure she takes care of you. I know she will. Flash forward: She is gone.

Lee is having a child. You have got to be shitting me. He cannot have a kid. He is reckless, irresponsible and does too many drugs. He of all people is not qualified to take care of a baby.

Shayla.

Beauty.

Drop everything.

She is here.

You have a beautiful family Lee. You are handling this very well. Good for you. No more cigarettes? Good for you. No more weed? It was a business decision. Good for you. No more drugs? Good for you. I’m proud. You are working? Good for you. That’s a lot of money Lee! It was a business decision. Good for you. You surprised me Lee. I didnt think you could do it. Your babymama is wonderful as well. It is perfect. Too Perfect. Flash forward: Lee you owe me money. Not for you. I’m not paying you to see your own child. GROWING UP.

Today. I see Lee. He looks good. He’s lost 20 pounds. His daughter is beautiful, healthy and happy. She has a wonderful family. Grandma, grandpa, and the uncles. I love his family except one thing… no mother. Lee is smoking again. Cigarettes, Weed. Let’s smoke Lee. I’m sorry Lee. You shouldn’t have all the responsibility. You are a good man Lee. I couldn’t do it. So what happened? Just like me huh? She went crazy. A new guy? Yep. Just like me. She left you with you’re daughter? She hasn’t seen her in 4 days. She asked you for money? To see the new guy. Fuck that. She cheated on you? You’re ok. I love Shayla. I’m here for you. You know she doesn’t deserve it. Her mother needs to grow up to watch her daughter grow up. She told you she doesn’t know what she wants? She cant leave. She has a family. Damn Lee, you have done a lot of GROWING UP.

I respect you Lee.

Stay Strong Lee.

It will get better Lee.

I’m here for you Lee.

I love you Lee.

Best Friends Forever.

BUT, First things first… let me catch you up to speed on MY life as it is now and the real reason I chose to write this haberdash…

<Insert overly dramatic cinematic introduction music>

I’m single… I know what you’re thinking… single guy makes blog to vanquish in his conquests and make himself sound like gods gift to man (and women). I wish I could say I were gods gift to man… (and women). But sadly I’m just your typical NEWLY single male. BUT with a twist. I’m not 6 month relationship gone bad, newly single. I’m more like…  haven’t been with another woman besides two girlfriends in 7 years, newly single, SINGLE. I was in a relationship so long I forgot how to flirt with another woman. I literally trained myself to not talk to other women… WHY, I DO NOT KNOW!

But, I did.

So the past 2 months have been a little awkward, uncomfortable, uneasy, slightly depressing and well… awkward. The only thing I could do is move on… but that is difficult for anyone to do when you were so engaged in a relationship. <—I now get this whole “engagement” bs, but I digress…. So how does one move on from a relationship? Well lets whip out our handy stages of grief manual shall we?!?!

Stage 1: Denial and isolation…

Tear-eyed days and lonely nights after I left my university and friends to come home to WORK, WORK, WORK with annoying, needy parents with no one to understand my situation… Stage 1: CHECK!

Stage 2: Anger

Was I pissed this bitch took my car up to the cities, meets up with a guy that I introduced her to,makes him dinner and then proceeds to fuck him? A little bit. Was I upset when she denied ever sleeping with anyone else? Kinda. Was I hell bent on ending an innocent puppy’s life when I found out that our relationship has “practically been over for a month and I already have a new boyfriend,”? I guess after all it was only 4 years. Did I feel batshit crazy mad when she took my $1000 dollar tv and moved to LA to live with a male stripper? OH NO NOT AT ALL… smh. FUCK YOU STAGE 2: check!

Stage 3: Bargaining

I offered to change my lifestyle, become a different person, do things differently, be respectful, be honest, be truthful. Be everything I wish I could be. I tried to do everything in my will power to remain in a relationship I thought was the one for me. Stage 3 doesn’t work: CHECK!

Stage 4: Depression

Do I think I wasn’t good enough? No, I was the better person… I know that for a fact. But to live with your significant other, be convinced of marriage, share everything and not get happiness out of it. You bet I was a sad kid. But I eventually with self medication and help from family/friends I have conquered the depression and the sadness is no longer here.                        Stage 4: CHECK!

Which leads me to the fifth and final Stage…

Stage 5: Acceptance.

I cant just accept being single. I’m not the type of person to open my arms and embrace all there is to love about being a single man. I grew up an only child, being alone is something I’m quite used to. The strange thing is… the ONE thing that I wanted MOST in the 7 years and two relationships was to be alone.

Waffle at that irony.

It’s true that I can’t accept being single. There is something about the way I was raised that tells me… GO FIND SOMEONE! My closest friends I consider brothers, I am obsessed with social media, I am on my phone 24/7, am outgoing, hosted hundreds of parties in high school, love people watching and am studying public relations and sociology… PEOPLE STUDIES! I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love other people more than myself. I was so engulfed in a relationship I forgot to cover my own back… and here I am.

I am writing this blog for you. I want people to engage in my life, see what goes on and find out more about the REAL me. I will leave no rock unturned and will give every detail along this journey. I don’t know where it will take me (past or present) where it will stop or, actually, where it will even start… Stage 5: IN PROGRESS.

FLY WITH THE GOOSE: Live, Love, Laugh and Learn.